Sometimes, I think Im really lousy.
I feel guilty about not visiting my popo as much as I should. I feel guilty that I have to quarrel with my mum each time she is being unreasonable. I feel guilty for not watching my dad's diet more closely. I feel guilty for hiding in my room doing work, and not spending quality time with my family. I feel guilty for not being a good girlfriend. I feel guilty for not making th effort to maintain friendships.
I know Im lousy.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
The 25 things
Instead of doing this on facebook, I thought I might as well do it here, for you girls to know more about me, instead of letting acquaintances whom i barely know read what I don't want them to know.
1. Sometimes, in fact most of the times, I find myself totally contradictory. It has to do with the devil and the angel residing in me, and the way I think. One part of me would tell me to relax and try not to complete tasks in a fast pace manner. The other part will drive me to work more and more, harder and harder till I sometimes break down.
2. Once i start on a presentation or report, I hate to drag it. Gaps in between leave me flustered. I wanna do it on a consistent pace and finish it.
3. Eve, is this some kind of a psychological or behavioural disorder?
4. I love travelling. And 90 percent of the time, alone. I live the freedom of doing whatever I wanna do, go to wherever places I wanna go, and just spend time with myself.
5. As much as i yearn to do so, I lack the guts to travel on my own. Chicken.
6. I hate to be around people who are over critical on things and on people. I have a friend who is like this. And every time before meeting her, I somehow have to adjust myself to her mode of behaviour, not in the sense of being like her, but to brace myself for whatever comments she's gonna make and make sure that I don't voice out opposing opinions. I HATE IT.
7. I like onions, basil, spring onion , whatever spices and condiments. They enhance the taste of certain food. I'm gonna make my children eat these from young and train them not to be picky about food.
8. I suffered a super stressful period during my O's and A's. What's new? I'm a "stressteee" -- quote from SQ.
9. I'm not really confident about getting an A for my thesis.
10. Classmates think I'm a first class honours. Fact is I'M not. And it doesn't really bother me. I'm not smart, I'm just hardworking.
11. I sometimes really hate DK for his 木讷 character, but it's cute at the same time :)
12. I applied for MOE's and SPH'S scholarship at the same time after I completed my A's. Having failed the latter( which was actually my first choice) and passed the MOE one, my parents persuaded me to take up teaching. And so i did. I was apprehensive at first, but was assured of my choice after been through attachment.
13. I aspire to to a hip, classy, trendy and most importantly, a good teacher. I always tell DK that i wanna be the hippest Chinese teacher. Not the old, strict, moody, grumpy Chinese teachers we had during our era.
14. I love my family, although i quarrel often with my mum.
15. I have a sweet tooth, ice cream, cakes, pies, puddings, sweets, chocolates, you name it, i love it.
16. I have 16 pig ,2 cow figurines/ soft toys in my room.
17. I die die must backpack Vietnam and Cambodia soon.
18. I don't like sour stuffs. No lime juice, lemonade.
19. I was darn proud of myself for losing 10 kg in a year. Nothing impressive, but i slimmed down the healthy way. And oh my, I was super health conscious for a period. No fried food, no red meat, gym at least 3 to 4 times per week. But I've slacked ever since. This explains the weight gain......
20. I once blew 2000 bucks on facial treatments and products. ( and that was only half the price, my mum paid for the other half) Was having bad skin then. I realised latter that it's always wiser to visit a dermatologist FIRST to get your skin treated before going for any skin enhancing treatments. Cost less also.
21. I'm poor. I think I would have been richer if not for the facial treatments and the 2000 bucks i paid for my encyclopedia when i was in primary school. Stupid.
22. I'm not a tech savvy person. Before this year, I would write my report on paper then type it out. I thought my thoughts would flow better this way. But then I realised, it doesn't make a big difference.
23. Anti-aging starts now, apart from my existing facial products, i religiously apply face mask and eye mask every week.
24. I love my friends. Especially to the ones whom I knew since 10 years ago. Cheers to a decade of friendship!
25. I sometimes secretly give thanks to DK. For loving me wholeheartedly, although he irritates the hell out of me at times.
1. Sometimes, in fact most of the times, I find myself totally contradictory. It has to do with the devil and the angel residing in me, and the way I think. One part of me would tell me to relax and try not to complete tasks in a fast pace manner. The other part will drive me to work more and more, harder and harder till I sometimes break down.
2. Once i start on a presentation or report, I hate to drag it. Gaps in between leave me flustered. I wanna do it on a consistent pace and finish it.
3. Eve, is this some kind of a psychological or behavioural disorder?
4. I love travelling. And 90 percent of the time, alone. I live the freedom of doing whatever I wanna do, go to wherever places I wanna go, and just spend time with myself.
5. As much as i yearn to do so, I lack the guts to travel on my own. Chicken.
6. I hate to be around people who are over critical on things and on people. I have a friend who is like this. And every time before meeting her, I somehow have to adjust myself to her mode of behaviour, not in the sense of being like her, but to brace myself for whatever comments she's gonna make and make sure that I don't voice out opposing opinions. I HATE IT.
7. I like onions, basil, spring onion , whatever spices and condiments. They enhance the taste of certain food. I'm gonna make my children eat these from young and train them not to be picky about food.
8. I suffered a super stressful period during my O's and A's. What's new? I'm a "stressteee" -- quote from SQ.
9. I'm not really confident about getting an A for my thesis.
10. Classmates think I'm a first class honours. Fact is I'M not. And it doesn't really bother me. I'm not smart, I'm just hardworking.
11. I sometimes really hate DK for his 木讷 character, but it's cute at the same time :)
12. I applied for MOE's and SPH'S scholarship at the same time after I completed my A's. Having failed the latter( which was actually my first choice) and passed the MOE one, my parents persuaded me to take up teaching. And so i did. I was apprehensive at first, but was assured of my choice after been through attachment.
13. I aspire to to a hip, classy, trendy and most importantly, a good teacher. I always tell DK that i wanna be the hippest Chinese teacher. Not the old, strict, moody, grumpy Chinese teachers we had during our era.
14. I love my family, although i quarrel often with my mum.
15. I have a sweet tooth, ice cream, cakes, pies, puddings, sweets, chocolates, you name it, i love it.
16. I have 16 pig ,2 cow figurines/ soft toys in my room.
17. I die die must backpack Vietnam and Cambodia soon.
18. I don't like sour stuffs. No lime juice, lemonade.
19. I was darn proud of myself for losing 10 kg in a year. Nothing impressive, but i slimmed down the healthy way. And oh my, I was super health conscious for a period. No fried food, no red meat, gym at least 3 to 4 times per week. But I've slacked ever since. This explains the weight gain......
20. I once blew 2000 bucks on facial treatments and products. ( and that was only half the price, my mum paid for the other half) Was having bad skin then. I realised latter that it's always wiser to visit a dermatologist FIRST to get your skin treated before going for any skin enhancing treatments. Cost less also.
21. I'm poor. I think I would have been richer if not for the facial treatments and the 2000 bucks i paid for my encyclopedia when i was in primary school. Stupid.
22. I'm not a tech savvy person. Before this year, I would write my report on paper then type it out. I thought my thoughts would flow better this way. But then I realised, it doesn't make a big difference.
23. Anti-aging starts now, apart from my existing facial products, i religiously apply face mask and eye mask every week.
24. I love my friends. Especially to the ones whom I knew since 10 years ago. Cheers to a decade of friendship!
25. I sometimes secretly give thanks to DK. For loving me wholeheartedly, although he irritates the hell out of me at times.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Our early Valentine
Rings for our 6th month ( on the 19th)
His lousy photographic skills
DEVIL-MISU is excellent!!!!! The cherries were bursting with rum when I sank my teeth in.
The devil is aiming the misu.We had actually wanted to go trekking , but I was feeling lazy haha! So we decided to go next week instead to celebrate our 6th month :)
Happy Valentine to you dear Girls! :)
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Hi world. I've stolen some time from myself to write this post. I've slacked the whole afternoon away and not feeling guilty over it. I think Im amazing. I've completed two presentations and the 2nd draft of FYP. Am left with 2 more presentations and 4 reports, and hopefully, no more fyp. wooooooooooo. Im supposed to be working on my report now.
Throughout my years of majoring in Chinese, I've received shocked, surprised, puzzled, disbelief, response from friends and strangers. It's funny that they think they are IN, but in actual fact, at least to me, they are all but inside their own world, to have viewed Chinese in such a way that I can neither cry nor laugh coz it's funny and sad at the same time. I don't have to defend myself by saying that I don't mean they are ignorant. Coz the fact is, I do think that some people have stereotyped the subject and the people studying the subject. Here are the classic examples of the classic response I received when I tell people that Im majoring in Chinese:
1. Oh my god!!! you mean you actually study CHINESE? Oh man I can never do that! ( I know)
2. So are your notes in Chinese ( NO, it's in Hindi)
3. What? You mean there is Chinese in NTU? ( take a trip to south spine, there's even a chinese lib always infested by you engineering students, depriving us of seats in our OWN lib!)
4. So what you study? Chinese characters? ( NO, we have specialisation in linguistics, literature, contemporary politics and society, philosophy, history and study of south east asian chinese)
5. Oh i can't believe it! you don't look like one of them!
5. " so how are they suppose to look like?" -----" very cheena one lo...nerdy nerdy one."
6. So you gonna teach after you grad? ( yes, but its not the only available choice)
7. Oh no i can't believe it! you speak good English, in fact you're bilingual!" ( F***. Please do read up on stereotyping, for your information, it's called essentialisation in English and 刻板印象 in Mandarin)
8. So why do you want to study Chinese? It's so ........ ( coz I'm good at it)
So you see, the whole point being, I feel sorry for them.
Throughout my years of majoring in Chinese, I've received shocked, surprised, puzzled, disbelief, response from friends and strangers. It's funny that they think they are IN, but in actual fact, at least to me, they are all but inside their own world, to have viewed Chinese in such a way that I can neither cry nor laugh coz it's funny and sad at the same time. I don't have to defend myself by saying that I don't mean they are ignorant. Coz the fact is, I do think that some people have stereotyped the subject and the people studying the subject. Here are the classic examples of the classic response I received when I tell people that Im majoring in Chinese:
1. Oh my god!!! you mean you actually study CHINESE? Oh man I can never do that! ( I know)
2. So are your notes in Chinese ( NO, it's in Hindi)
3. What? You mean there is Chinese in NTU? ( take a trip to south spine, there's even a chinese lib always infested by you engineering students, depriving us of seats in our OWN lib!)
4. So what you study? Chinese characters? ( NO, we have specialisation in linguistics, literature, contemporary politics and society, philosophy, history and study of south east asian chinese)
5. Oh i can't believe it! you don't look like one of them!
5. " so how are they suppose to look like?" -----" very cheena one lo...nerdy nerdy one."
6. So you gonna teach after you grad? ( yes, but its not the only available choice)
7. Oh no i can't believe it! you speak good English, in fact you're bilingual!" ( F***. Please do read up on stereotyping, for your information, it's called essentialisation in English and 刻板印象 in Mandarin)
8. So why do you want to study Chinese? It's so ........ ( coz I'm good at it)
So you see, the whole point being, I feel sorry for them.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
At this point, I'm feeling down, tired, drained.
I've been a more than hardworking student for 16 years of my life. Now that I'm into my last sem of studies, I don't feel the least bit of 不舍. I'm dreading the need to read my notes, revise whatever science shit that I simply don't understand, research for presentation, do ppt, do reports. I no longer sense the urgency and need to do any of those above. But I still do them anyway. Not because I have no choice, but because I'm afraid of losing out, lagging behind others, and ironically, disappointing myself. YES. As much as I dread the responsibilities, I've also set up high expectations of myself all these years. Though I may tell myself doing my best and giving my best is all that matters, I go all the way in doing so in an extreme manner that is really really draining me out. I thought I would stand strong after FYP, since I managed to overcome all the huge difficulties of FYP and am doing well,even my prof whom I fear would axed me said so, but I'm having this immense hatred for reports and presentations.
Emotions wise, Im a nutcase. It's always the cause of problems. I'm still learning, and I know it's taking very long. But I want to be a better person for my family, friends and you. Thank you for sticking with me through this :)
I've been a more than hardworking student for 16 years of my life. Now that I'm into my last sem of studies, I don't feel the least bit of 不舍. I'm dreading the need to read my notes, revise whatever science shit that I simply don't understand, research for presentation, do ppt, do reports. I no longer sense the urgency and need to do any of those above. But I still do them anyway. Not because I have no choice, but because I'm afraid of losing out, lagging behind others, and ironically, disappointing myself. YES. As much as I dread the responsibilities, I've also set up high expectations of myself all these years. Though I may tell myself doing my best and giving my best is all that matters, I go all the way in doing so in an extreme manner that is really really draining me out. I thought I would stand strong after FYP, since I managed to overcome all the huge difficulties of FYP and am doing well,even my prof whom I fear would axed me said so, but I'm having this immense hatred for reports and presentations.
Emotions wise, Im a nutcase. It's always the cause of problems. I'm still learning, and I know it's taking very long. But I want to be a better person for my family, friends and you. Thank you for sticking with me through this :)
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