save that smile on your face

2009-11-06T04:35:00.000-08:00

Im worn out. Wanted to shout and scream at everyone everything that is happening right now. Im not sure if this is the right path, i always seem to set high expectations and yet, feel lousy even after I surpass it. I don't have any sense of satisfaction, acheivement, nothing. Everything that Im doing, amounts to NOTHING. And im forced to make meaning out of it, im trying to convince myself that the real thing at the end is going to be much more enjoyable, that it is going to be different from what is it now. Im so worn out. Test, exams, assignments, lesson plans, and what not. How is it going to help in what im going to do in the future? I feel so corrupted, so stained, so dirty. Why am i feeling this way??

It doesnt help when I have to live and share my life, my time, my personal space with people around me. I need my own space and time. Everthing is so cramped, everyone is surrounding one another. I just want to be alone.

2009-10-18T08:08:00.000-07:00

It's funny that you lead a peaceful life for 23 years, and then one day, things happen, things change, and you have no choice but to accept it. Life goes on, isn't it?

It's also ironic that contentment and unity as a family truely shines it light on me, now.

Im penning this down not for hte sake of pennign it down. I want to connect with you gals, i wanna keep in touch with you yes you! Because life is short, life is beautiful, I wouldn't wish for any lost moments with you, whom ive had wonderful times with. Yes we are all so busy, busy like bumble bees. What for? for money? but it's ironic that money binds people down, money doesn't grant you the freedom you desire. What to do? As DK will say. And so, my question is, how? how do i get my freedom without feeling an inch of pain for the lost money, for giving up material wants????

And so, i answered myself today. I went for my first ever manicure and bought myself a samsung jet, the latter to be claimed. My freedom, as of now, is constrained within whatever that is limiting me, bordering me.

2009-09-08T07:14:00.000-07:00

It was all wishful thinking, thinking that you might want to see me since im sick, and that im making effort to meet you despite my hellish schedule. And all i got was " but you are ok already mah"

Hi world

2009-08-30T07:09:00.000-07:00

It's been ages since I last wrote. Am simply overwhelmed by the changes in life. I should not be complaining, for I have a job, and my family with me. You know, I've been thinking, well not exactly reflecting, but yeah, why should I bother over the things that can't be undone, can't be changed and make myself so miserable and stressed up. Come what may, I just have to get things done and the ordeal will be over. I can;t possibly fret over the existing ones and the many ones yet to come, afterall,life is about challenges and changes. THIS IS LIFE. So i've some sort of come to my senses, just do the assignments, make the changes in my lifestyle, go with the flow of life and it's changes, so that I won't drown admist the waves, at least i still get to swim right? I hope I will be able to keep with the promises that I made to myself.

2009-08-01T08:48:00.000-07:00

Selfish. Yes I'm selfish.
I want my room, my private space that I retreat to every single day and night.
I hate changes.
Especially when I have no choice and no say in anything.
Whatever happens in your generation left me with no choice.
无奈。觉得自己很自私。但我更渴望是属于自己的空间、隐私。

2009-06-13T07:21:00.000-07:00

Off to the land of mystic temples and palace in 7.5 hr!

mission: to take lots of pictures of the beautiful angkor wat and to try the angkor beer :)

Cya gals when im back! Su! I wanna listen to your stories!

Last but not least, love ya bibi :) Cya on thurs :)

2009-05-31T03:02:00.001-07:00

I'm really growing SIDEWAYS. Yet, I'm too lazy to get down to serious gyming.... Twice a week of 20 lap swim isn't going to put my weight down, considering the amount of food I'm always craving for and EATING. SHIT. Ran for a run round my estate yesterday and after a round, it started pouring heavily... there goes my running.

Starting school-work in 3 weeks. Im UBER SAD that I have to ditch my shorts and skirts and slippers away. WHAT THE HELL. AARTRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Shopping for decent attire is such a chore.

Cambodia in 2 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

2009-05-22T09:54:00.000-07:00

I can't help but to scream " I'VE GRADUATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Results: 2 B plus and 2 A minus

And to celebrate the beginning of a new phase of my life, we had....................

To punish him for his stingy-ness, I finished the drinks by myself, leaving him to thirst to death.

I was so angry that I bit him till he screamed out loud in public

Not long later, we kissed and made peace with each other

And we are good again :)

To appease me, He “打肿脸皮充胖子”so that I will look skinner

However uncle you are, I still love you as much as I love my kopi and teh :)

2009-05-18T08:43:00.000-07:00

Gonna sign the NIE contract tmr. Doesn't really make a difference, after all, my career was pathed out 4 years ago when I signed THE contract, tmr's just a step forward. So, let's just hope that I would turn out a responsible teacher, and a hip one.

I really hate it when some classmates around me pass judgements on teachers wannabe, commenting that they are out hunting for iron rice bowl when the economy is in this bad state. Putting aside their intentions, we can never doubt their ability to teach and their commitment to the education sector. So what if teaching was never their first choice? Who knows if they will like teaching at the end of the day and turn out to be wonderful and inspirational teachers?

I hate people who are too judgemental, makes life difficult for others and for themselves. Why can't you just lead a simple life and not think too much into things? No wonder I can never feel at ease whenever I'm around you. And I'm not feeling guilty over it.

I'm referring to my classmate, though she will never read this ( because I changed my blog add, not wanting her to have a share of my personal life and thoughts) but I JUST WANNA PEN DOWN MY FUSTRATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Random, but it's me

2009-05-14T06:24:00.000-07:00

I drink when I'm upset, frustrated, when I feel that I'm unappreciated, misunderstood. I like drinking, so I basically drink as and when I like. Wine and beer. I love hoegaarden, dislike Tiger, love red wine. My boyfriend calls me an alcoholic, I don't deny being one, and I like it actually.

I have my fears. Here and there. But there's this constant nagging one. At my worst, it bothers me every single day, every single second. Sometimes I feel like I'm a living bomb, ready to explode anytime from all the fears and worries.

Ops, I just finished my Hoegaarden.

Sometimes, I get depressed counting to the no. of years left I get to spend with my loved ones.

I hate people having expectations of me. "Aiya jo, confirm at least second upper la, aiya jo, confirm A for thesis la. aiya jo, confirm finish her presentation and report liao la." DAMN YOU. I'm capable of achieving that, but i just hate to hear it from others.

I'm individualistic, selfish in layman terms. I don't see a problem with it, unless I do hurt ppl around me. So, I would like to apologise to ppl whom I've unknowingly offended. Sorry. But I need and treasure and value my personal time and space.

I realised Dk has influenced me in some ways, or rather, it's embedded in me, just need that catalyst to spark it off. I've grown to exert the view that" as long as I'm happy the way I'm , I don't have to give a damn to what others think of me." That's good and bad at the same time, but I guess for now, it's ok.

I cry easily, but only when I'm alone.

I really dislike the idea of shopping for working wear. bye bye sphag tops, shorts and slippers :(

I have no idea what kind of teacher I will evolve into.

I'm still thinking whether to have mac's or ya kun for breakfast tmr.

I'm craving for badminton.

2009-05-11T02:07:00.000-07:00

If anything best describes the state I'm in now, it would have to be the state of inertia. I'm suppose to keep the clothes hanging in the kitchen, iron tonnes of clothes and plan for my enrollment into NIE, but I have no idea what to plan for or to plan for what or is there even something that I need to plan for? I bought books and national geographic back from Beijing and was so excited over the purchase, I thought yes! Finally I can laze at home and read and read and read, but I've yet to do so. The day was spent with me waking up at 830, having my coffee and the delicious 枣糕 while reading the papers, after which i surfed the net, and DK came over. We lazed around, had lunch, looked at the photos, took a nap and off he went for his lifeguard test.

And I'm still bumming around. Life has never been this easy for a long time. Yet I kept on having the feeling that Im so gonna lose my freedom coming 22th June onwards. I was telling DK now I know what ppl meant when they say being a student is still the best, I was telling him the uncertainties that I had about stepping into another phase of my life, how I was afraid of upholding responsibilities of a teacher, an adult in the working world. Being a quietly faithful and thoughtful,yet lacking-in-words boyfriend, he offered what he could offer, which I greatly appreciate.

I know it's been hard on you bibi, the unspoken pressure and troubles which you never told me but of which i knew. I love you just the same. I believe in you :)

2009-05-10T08:28:00.001-07:00

Back from Beijing! But I shall digress to the last day of my exams before posting the pics of Beijing.

The last paper I had, was also the longest answer that I have ever written in my uni life. Hope all goes well. BUT YEAH, I GRADUATED!!! WOOHOO!!

After that, I met up with my DK, and had dinner with my parents, bro and his gf for dinner at The Cathay. Papa was exceptionally talkative that day and kept on talking and talking and talking... for those who have known him since my sec sch days, would know that he rarely talks like this. But anw, he and my mum were in high spirits that night ( I'm not so much though, which is weird, since i'm the one who has graduated) and suggested going to paul brenner's for drinks. and so we went and i had like a litre of beer and the band was great! It was certainly a memorable night, you know, having your closest family by your side, on the day of your last paper.

此时此刻，我才真正地体会到那句老掉牙的感叹“还是当学生最好”。
立志在接下来的一个月仔细、细心地品尝自由的滋味。
人生才刚开始。 :)

2009-04-19T23:43:00.000-07:00

Hey I'm still alive, and kicking. Kicking away the exams..out you go out you go out you go. A week never seem so long........ No amount of words can adequately describe how much i yearn to get out of this whole system. Even though I'm diving straight into it in 2 months time. What an irony.

I CAN'T WAIT. I'm burning with fire, flames so strong, it's not possible to put me down. But I still have a week ahead of me. May i continue to BURN.

2009-03-15T01:17:00.001-07:00

You know we've all heard of it, life is not a bed of roses. But it's sure full of the thorns. When the going gets tough, the tough doesn't seems to be going. The tough can get tired sometimes, even though it's not, the tough just wants to throw all duties and responsibilities away, tuck herself in bed and sleep her work away. She sometimes let loose completely and don't feel guilty doing so. She craves for me time, she wants coffee, national geographic, peace and serenity.

Tomorrow's the deadline for submission of FYP. I've handed my baby this wednesday. I'm however, not confident of an A, for I see others who have put in much more effort. I asked myself repeatedly, what have I gained from writing a thesis from scratch? For all the brainstorming, researching, crying and fretting. Apart from the research skills that one is suppose to possess, I've seen how passion drives one, how it makes anything possible. Something which I don't thing I will be able to achieve. What's my passion???Hmmmmm....... 老一辈的华校生真的非常有人情味。他们对于文学的热忱是令我最为佩服的。

原来，再艰难的任务也有顺利完成的一天，再艰苦难熬的日子也会过去。可是，等待着我的，还有无数个这样的日子、无数个恼人的考验。有时，真的还蛮累的。

2009-03-07T07:28:00.000-08:00

Today marks the end of fyp. Converted my word document into PDF and am going to submit next week. Come to think of it, the stress, anxiety, unhappiness that fyp inflicted on me ( ok i admit, it's self-induced also) amounts up to a thesis. It's just a thesis. I don't need this thesis to bring me any further in life. I don't intend to pursue a Masters, I don't need a thesis to teach the secondary school kids. But, I do need a thesis to graduate.

Still, thinking back, there's more to life than a thesis.

However, Im glad to say that university has been the most fruitful period of my studying life.

2009-03-01T18:48:00.000-08:00

This shall be super random.

I had a good rest this study break. I did my presentation, some revision at a slow slow pace, slept fot 8 hours everyday, read my national geographic, visited my popo, spent time with family and dear dear, and treated myself well.

And, now, with 2 more presentations and 1 report to go, it's gonna be full steam again. Then there comes the dreaded exams and CHINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Im hooked to national geographic and starbucks. Caramel frap, iced caffe latte. blah blah blah.

Its gonna be 3 quarter steam today.....

2009-02-23T18:55:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I think Im really lousy.

I feel guilty about not visiting my popo as much as I should. I feel guilty that I have to quarrel with my mum each time she is being unreasonable. I feel guilty for not watching my dad's diet more closely. I feel guilty for hiding in my room doing work, and not spending quality time with my family. I feel guilty for not being a good girlfriend. I feel guilty for not making th effort to maintain friendships.

I know Im lousy.

The 25 things

2009-02-21T22:03:00.000-08:00

Instead of doing this on facebook, I thought I might as well do it here, for you girls to know more about me, instead of letting acquaintances whom i barely know read what I don't want them to know.

1. Sometimes, in fact most of the times, I find myself totally contradictory. It has to do with the devil and the angel residing in me, and the way I think. One part of me would tell me to relax and try not to complete tasks in a fast pace manner. The other part will drive me to work more and more, harder and harder till I sometimes break down.

2. Once i start on a presentation or report, I hate to drag it. Gaps in between leave me flustered. I wanna do it on a consistent pace and finish it.

3. Eve, is this some kind of a psychological or behavioural disorder?

4. I love travelling. And 90 percent of the time, alone. I live the freedom of doing whatever I wanna do, go to wherever places I wanna go, and just spend time with myself.

5. As much as i yearn to do so, I lack the guts to travel on my own. Chicken.

6. I hate to be around people who are over critical on things and on people. I have a friend who is like this. And every time before meeting her, I somehow have to adjust myself to her mode of behaviour, not in the sense of being like her, but to brace myself for whatever comments she's gonna make and make sure that I don't voice out opposing opinions. I HATE IT.

7. I like onions, basil, spring onion , whatever spices and condiments. They enhance the taste of certain food. I'm gonna make my children eat these from young and train them not to be picky about food.

8. I suffered a super stressful period during my O's and A's. What's new? I'm a "stressteee" -- quote from SQ.

9. I'm not really confident about getting an A for my thesis.

10. Classmates think I'm a first class honours. Fact is I'M not. And it doesn't really bother me. I'm not smart, I'm just hardworking.

11. I sometimes really hate DK for his 木讷 character, but it's cute at the same time :)

12. I applied for MOE's and SPH'S scholarship at the same time after I completed my A's. Having failed the latter( which was actually my first choice) and passed the MOE one, my parents persuaded me to take up teaching. And so i did. I was apprehensive at first, but was assured of my choice after been through attachment.

13. I aspire to to a hip, classy, trendy and most importantly, a good teacher. I always tell DK that i wanna be the hippest Chinese teacher. Not the old, strict, moody, grumpy Chinese teachers we had during our era.

14. I love my family, although i quarrel often with my mum.

15. I have a sweet tooth, ice cream, cakes, pies, puddings, sweets, chocolates, you name it, i love it.

16. I have 16 pig ,2 cow figurines/ soft toys in my room.

17. I die die must backpack Vietnam and Cambodia soon.

18. I don't like sour stuffs. No lime juice, lemonade.

19. I was darn proud of myself for losing 10 kg in a year. Nothing impressive, but i slimmed down the healthy way. And oh my, I was super health conscious for a period. No fried food, no red meat, gym at least 3 to 4 times per week. But I've slacked ever since. This explains the weight gain......

20. I once blew 2000 bucks on facial treatments and products. ( and that was only half the price, my mum paid for the other half) Was having bad skin then. I realised latter that it's always wiser to visit a dermatologist FIRST to get your skin treated before going for any skin enhancing treatments. Cost less also.

21. I'm poor. I think I would have been richer if not for the facial treatments and the 2000 bucks i paid for my encyclopedia when i was in primary school. Stupid.

22. I'm not a tech savvy person. Before this year, I would write my report on paper then type it out. I thought my thoughts would flow better this way. But then I realised, it doesn't make a big difference.

23. Anti-aging starts now, apart from my existing facial products, i religiously apply face mask and eye mask every week.

24. I love my friends. Especially to the ones whom I knew since 10 years ago. Cheers to a decade of friendship!

25. I sometimes secretly give thanks to DK. For loving me wholeheartedly, although he irritates the hell out of me at times.

2009-02-16T17:07:00.000-08:00

In school now typing my second report. 2nd presentation later. 2 more reports and 2 more presentations to go.

I think I will miss being a student :)

I like cant B's tea, but still think the one at the old Cant A is better. Haiz Im tired.....

Let's meet up before Hui leaves on a jet plane

Our early Valentine

2009-02-14T21:14:00.001-08:00

Rings for our 6th month ( on the 19th)

His lousy photographic skills

DEVIL-MISU is excellent!!!!! The cherries were bursting with rum when I sank my teeth in.

The devil is aiming the misu.

We had actually wanted to go trekking , but I was feeling lazy haha! So we decided to go next week instead to celebrate our 6th month :)

Happy Valentine to you dear Girls! :)

2009-02-08T07:02:00.000-08:00

Hi world. I've stolen some time from myself to write this post. I've slacked the whole afternoon away and not feeling guilty over it. I think Im amazing. I've completed two presentations and the 2nd draft of FYP. Am left with 2 more presentations and 4 reports, and hopefully, no more fyp. wooooooooooo. Im supposed to be working on my report now.

Throughout my years of majoring in Chinese, I've received shocked, surprised, puzzled, disbelief, response from friends and strangers. It's funny that they think they are IN, but in actual fact, at least to me, they are all but inside their own world, to have viewed Chinese in such a way that I can neither cry nor laugh coz it's funny and sad at the same time. I don't have to defend myself by saying that I don't mean they are ignorant. Coz the fact is, I do think that some people have stereotyped the subject and the people studying the subject. Here are the classic examples of the classic response I received when I tell people that Im majoring in Chinese:

1. Oh my god!!! you mean you actually study CHINESE? Oh man I can never do that! ( I know)

2. So are your notes in Chinese ( NO, it's in Hindi)

3. What? You mean there is Chinese in NTU? ( take a trip to south spine, there's even a chinese lib always infested by you engineering students, depriving us of seats in our OWN lib!)

4. So what you study? Chinese characters? ( NO, we have specialisation in linguistics, literature, contemporary politics and society, philosophy, history and study of south east asian chinese)

5. Oh i can't believe it! you don't look like one of them!

5. " so how are they suppose to look like?" -----" very cheena one lo...nerdy nerdy one."

6. So you gonna teach after you grad? ( yes, but its not the only available choice)

7. Oh no i can't believe it! you speak good English, in fact you're bilingual!" ( F***. Please do read up on stereotyping, for your information, it's called essentialisation in English and 刻板印象 in Mandarin)

8. So why do you want to study Chinese? It's so ........ ( coz I'm good at it)

So you see, the whole point being, I feel sorry for them.

2009-02-05T21:50:00.001-08:00

I hate SCHOOL.

2009-02-01T00:30:00.000-08:00

At this point, I'm feeling down, tired, drained.

I've been a more than hardworking student for 16 years of my life. Now that I'm into my last sem of studies, I don't feel the least bit of 不舍. I'm dreading the need to read my notes, revise whatever science shit that I simply don't understand, research for presentation, do ppt, do reports. I no longer sense the urgency and need to do any of those above. But I still do them anyway. Not because I have no choice, but because I'm afraid of losing out, lagging behind others, and ironically, disappointing myself. YES. As much as I dread the responsibilities, I've also set up high expectations of myself all these years. Though I may tell myself doing my best and giving my best is all that matters, I go all the way in doing so in an extreme manner that is really really draining me out. I thought I would stand strong after FYP, since I managed to overcome all the huge difficulties of FYP and am doing well,even my prof whom I fear would axed me said so, but I'm having this immense hatred for reports and presentations.

Emotions wise, Im a nutcase. It's always the cause of problems. I'm still learning, and I know it's taking very long. But I want to be a better person for my family, friends and you. Thank you for sticking with me through this :)

2009-01-30T19:33:00.001-08:00

Someone made me angry last night. So angry that I can't sleep. I've been telling others that women are not made to wait for man, and I made a fool of myself last night.

Accompanied my popo to check up yesterday. Diabetes is very bad, not under control, and it's affecting her kidneys. Got a huge shock when I saw " chronic renal failure" . She's seeing a specialist in March. What the hell?????? They make it sound so serious and she's only able to seek help only a month later??!!!! FUCK.

I miss the carefree life in Taiwan. I miss travelling, wandering out in the streets alone.

2009-01-28T06:07:00.000-08:00

Issue resolved. I love the talk that we had. I always believe in talking it out, now that I can see things from your point of view. It's not about you or me, it's about us :)

Love ya dear dear :)

2009-01-25T00:04:00.000-08:00

Time has always been the issue and source of tension between us. Though the adjusting period is over, I'm not over this issue. Sometimes I just feel sad that I can't spend more time with you. Not that you don't give a damn. But it irks and anger me even more when all you say is " what to do?" Makes me feel like I'm thrown into this sea of sadness and anger and hopelessness and have no one, not even you to help. I understand that we can't spend as much time together as other couples do. But I want your attention in acknowleding this issue and not just shrug your shoulders and repeat that sentence.

And i feel that the lack of time together is a hindrance to the foundation of the relationship -- to understand each other better.

The fear of pain induces pain. But IT IS PAINFUL OK.

2009-01-17T06:58:00.000-08:00

Paid a visit to the dentist yesterday. And guess what? I have 2 decaying teeth and a wisedom tooth that is a threat to the well being of my other teeth. One of the dacaying one is so bad that it has reached the nerve( pulp) and the dentist did a filling for me, but wanted me to be prepared for future toothache, then I have to decide if I want to do a root canal treatment ( freaking ex!) or just extract it. I almosted fainted when he strongly adviced me to pluck out the wisedom tooth. I was holding my face in my hands and told him I'm not mentally prepared. I want to DIE. FREAK. I was thinking if there could be a general anesthesia instead of one at the gum. I seriously was thinking of not doing what he suggested, and actually, I'm having the thought of ignoring it. But yeah, I know, better get it treated soon or I might need to go through more pain in the future. HELP MEEEEEEEE :(

On a lighter note, my prof seems quite pleased with my thesis. Which means I only have to do a bit of amendments and I will be ready to submit MY THESIS. Finally.

I still can't get over the self-induced, thought provoking pain. :( Just knock me unconcious and do whatever that is supposed to be done.

2009-01-15T05:40:00.000-08:00

My dear gals, I'm meeting my prof tomorrow to discuss my first draft. Pray for me. Pray that he won't throw my thesis back at me and scold me for producing rubbish. My hands are cold and my heart is thumping right now. Will update you all. Love :(

Grad trip!!!!

2009-01-12T01:49:00.000-08:00

YAY YAY YAY!!!!! Sq and I booked our air tix to Beijing !! Will be departing on 29th April!!!! WWOOHHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grad trip grad trip here I come!!!! And Hui!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We will travel together!!! So excited!!! I wanna go to tian an men and see mao's body and I wanna go Xi an to see the bing ma yong!!!! OH man oh man i can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!

Module selection and registration is a pain in the ass. And it seems like I have quite a lot to clear as a Year 4 student. I just submitted my first draft last week, am super scared that he would reject and have lots to criticise..........praying hard..........

It's a blissful life

2009-01-10T07:25:00.000-08:00

You know, as you grow older, things get tougher, but you learn to appreciate what you have in your seemingly unimportant life.

I still argue and quarrel with my mum very often, can't stand the way she puts up a foul mood as a protest to doing the chores ( having the delusion that no one helps her). But amazingly and ironically, I see myself in her. The short temperness, foul mood, the killer stare...... all in all, it comes in a package. And my father just told me that he feels damn shiok each time i quarrel with my mum, coz in a way or another, by out talking my mum, I'm helping him 出一口气。Funny and flattering, I was actually proud of myself a that moment :) Things can get rough with my mum, over the years and I believe, for years to come. But I'm somewhat glad that we aren't the mushy type, but Im hoping for less " foul mood" days to come.

And yes, I just bought a Toshiba laptop with my own money, oh man, it's my first laptop, MY, MINE, with my MONEY. I was telling dear dear I must make it last till the day we get married, to get my money worth.

And speaking of which, It was only yesterday that I realise what I have been taking for granted for the past 4 months. My Boyfriend. Don't worry, nothing bad happened :) Just that he spent the whole day and night, going to funan with me, checking for service repair for my laptop, went around shops to look for new laptops, then go back home, then went to funan again to finally send my laptop for servicing, then went to buy the new laptop (finally),went back my house to help me with the setup and left at 11pm. And he woke up at 6 am that morning for IPPT before meeting me. No words of complain, no hurrying, but advice, patience, technical knowledege( which i obviously lack), and love :)

So I say, I'm blessed :)

Thank you Dear Dear. And Happy Birthday :)

2009-01-01T06:36:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year :) May this year be one filled with love and happiness :)

2008 was a recovery period for me, though painful and the seemingly never ending process, I survived. Now I can truely understand what they meant by-- what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

And Im damn proud and glad that I went to Taiwan on the student exchange programme, it was indeed a once in a lifetime experience. Not only did I fulfil my dream of travelling and wandering out alone in a foreign land, I surprised myself with the inner strength and independence which I never thought I ever had. It was a journey of healing, self discovery,learning about the way of life, and most important of all, realising that love is all around :) Being away from home for 5 months has made homesick, and yeah, darn proud of being a Singaporean. Thinking back, life in Taiwan is ultimately relaxing and stress free, probably because exchange students like me aren't burdened with grades or whatsoever and what we do all day is plan for trips, go on road trips, play, enjoy, eat, immerse in the culture and way of life of the locals blah blah blah. I absolutely enjoy walking about Taipei on my own, visiting museums, taking pictures anywhere and everywhere, just time with myself and no one else. I think this further strengthens my anti-social-ness! Imagine what would become of me if i really decided not to go for the application blood test!!!! Can you believe I actually cried and told Hui I rather not go to Taiwan if I have to take the blood test!??!!!

Second half of the year was back in home sweet home :) Spending 5 months away from home has made me cherish my family more than ever, and yeah, i still quarrel with my mum, but yeah, the family has gotten closer :)

And yeah, DA MAN came along and was the ultimate antidote. He's accomodating, understanding, loving, caring, the ultimate perfect boyfriend you can ever ask for. :) I'm so blessed! :)

Praying for health and happiness for family and friends in 2009!

Our Birthday gifts :)

2008-12-31T22:37:00.001-08:00

The drink at Carls Junior is huge!

New beginnings :)

Our Birthday falls on 11th and 22nd Jan and we both wanted a new wallet! I wanted a new beginning and he wanted a new wallet that has a photo compartment, and tada! New wallets! Dear dear was so sweet, he bought me a 2009 diary :)

2008-12-29T18:09:00.000-08:00

I really do not enjoy myself when Im with them. In fact, there's this invisible pressure whenever Im with them, be it the mass FYP syndrome or whatever you call it, I really really don't feel at ease, Im not even myself whenever I'm with them. I think the problem lies with me. Therefore, Im gonna make up a lie. That's it.

On the other hand, Im feeling darn guilty of what Im doing. So tell me how now????? Not that they abused me or whatsoever, but it's just that I can't click with them. And i hate not being myself and just pretending to be this other person -- their perceived image of me. I know Im selfish. But I wanna be myself and happy.

I think Im rather a loner. I'd rather be with myself and not talk to anybody or hang out with anyone if I don't feel like it or if I don't feel comfy with the company. Yes friends do help each other, they've helped me and I've helped them. But through these years, I've helped with little initiative, with limited willingness.

I'm not a people person, neither am I one who surrounds myself with friends. But there are certain groups of people whom Im totally comfortable spilling out my secrets to, cry and wail in front of, and there are also certain groups whom I prefer to keep a distance from apart from school.

Gals, you know what i mean right? Or am i just plain selfish?

2008-12-24T22:01:00.000-08:00

It has been raining for the past few days and the cold weather made me just wanna curl up under the covers and read my book. Christmas has never been a big affair, but a time to meet up with dear friends :)

There is something about Chinese cuisine that has been puzzling me. Why is it that Chinese food is never complete without condiments like dark soy sauce, light soy sauce, sesame oil ( i like to use this) etc? Not that it's boring or not nice, but whenever i want to add some spice to the food, whatever that comes to my mind will always be these good old ingredients. Of course we can always add some herbs and spices like pepper, rosemary, thyme but the thing is i NEVER get myself to buy that. My mum doesn't use these herbs and they don't come cheap. But oh man, I love onion, garlic, spring onion, basil, whatever you call it! It's a pity that youngsters these days don't like it, they find them "smelly" " pungent". I swear im gonna make my kids like these and eat it. I dislike seeing kids picking out these ingredients or simply refusing to eat the whole plate of food just because they dont like the greens. Eat what you're given. I hate se gin nas.

And I don't understand why my mum said I can't wear black to my cousin's wedding. Ok not that I don't understand, but I WANNA WEAR MY HIDDEN-IN-THE-CLOSET-FOR-AGES-BOUGHT-IN-MANGO-BLACK -DRESS! :(

Merry Christmas! :)

We crossed the causeway :) 12.12.08

2008-12-14T18:40:00.000-08:00

We had our auntie and uncle's favourite yakun before crossing the causeway!

I always have a nicer smile than him

I love this pose

Don't act shuai can?!

I'm pretending that i like my drink

Act cute

Exhausted but happy :)

Dk and I went on a short shopping trip to JB and oh my!! Things are really cheap there! It helps a whole damn lot when there are sales going on everywhere. We spent about 5.5 hours at City Square with me spending near to an hour at this shoe store..hehe! Bought a pair of heels at $16! and a watch at $16 too! My flu was gone by the time i stepped into the mall haha! Dk bought a pair of berms for $30 ( not exactly cheap) and a pair of leather slippers at $21. And he complained how his plot to make me spend failed when we sum up our spendings and realised that he spent more than me. :) ok anyway, food is CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP. We went into this restaurant -like eatery and ordered grilled chicked chop, seafood pasta, rose lime juice, and honey tea and the total bill was like $18! an amount that is only sufficient for one diner in Singapore! Afterwhich was Secret Recipe which i always find so-so in stnadard and service. We had Espresso cheesecake, mango cake and banana yoghurt shake for $10. No pictures of food though coz we were hungry and cant be bothered with taking pictures haha!

My sacred territory

2008-12-09T15:07:00.000-08:00

Hi my gals and DA MAN! :)

As the title suggests, I've been habouring the thought of shutting off unwanted visitors from my private life,cept for all of you :)

Been slacking these days after completing my first draft, but wont be handing in so soon. Please pray for me. Anyway, da man just completed his third marathon this year. I was waiting for him under the hot sun at stand chart last sunday, anxiously screening each and every runner at the finishing line and TADA! He came in and saw me before i saw him! Hhahaha! Was so proud and paiseh and touched at the same time when he hung the medal over my neck when everyone elase around was looking :) Proud of you my dear :)

Afterwhich, I went over to his place and washed his muddy shoes for him and helped him massaged his sore thighs and knees and ankles. And I overcame my 22 year long fear of dogs!!!!!! Oscar is so cute and guai, sitting on my lap while i stroked his head.

Gals, lets meet up!!!!!!